![]() ![]() I’m sure the filmmakers were banking on teenagers flocking to theaters to see their favorite rap artists at the time on the big screen, but people really need to start using their heads with these kinds of decisions. The nail in the coffin for ’Half Past Dead,’ though, has to be the PG-13 rating. It was like the lights were on but nobody was home, which is probably why he was nominated for a 2003 Razzie Award. Maybe the real Steven Seagal was sipping mojitos on a beach somewhere in Tahiti while the prop master slaved over constructing various life-size Seagal cardboard cutouts to stand up all over the set. Whether he realized the movie was going to tank or he figured he’s getting paid anyways so why bother, it’s obvious the word “try” never entered his vocabulary. Seagal also coasts along on autopilot with the most effortless performance of his lifetime. What’s worse is that he overuses quick edits and slow-motion techniques to try and add a bit of flair, and with everyone being totally serious-the whole thing just comes off as unintentionally comical. All it seems writer-director Don Michael Paul did was stay up one night watching a stack of terrorist movies and go through the motions of incorporating every cliché in the book. ![]() I'd be partially forgivable of such a ridiculous plot if the movie was done in a tongue-in-cheek manner or at least had spurts of solid entertainment value, but unfortunately ‘Half Past Dead’ completely missed the boat on both accounts. Now that you’ve read the synopsis listed above, I don’t think I really need to go into a song and dance routine telling you how harebrained this storyline is. Fortunately, with Sasha, Nick, comic relief Twitch (Kurupt), and the rest of their posse taking matters into their own hands, these terrorists may find themselves trapped between The Rock and a hard place. Add to the mix Supreme Court Justice Jane McPherson (Linda Thorson) on the island to witness Lester’s execution, and you have a handy dandy hostage if things go south. Suddenly, a group of terrorists calling themselves the 49ers led by Donny (Morris Chestnut) skydive into the facility to extract the whereabouts of McKenna’s stash before he’s put to death. The plot thickens, with the first inmate slated to face the penitentiary’s state-of-the-art death chamber-Lester McKenna (Bruce Weitz)- who is literally minutes from taking a secret worth $200,000,000 in gold bullion to his grave. After Sasha recovers from his near death experience eight months later, he’s back on the job gathering more information by being incarcerated with Nick at the newly reopened Alcatraz. But before he even has a chance to taste sweet vengeance, a takedown goes wrong and Sasha is shot. While deep undercover, Sasha gains the trust of Nick (Ja Rule)-an associate of the crime boss responsible for the murder. Seagal stars as Sasha Petrosevitch, an FBI agent posing as a car thief in order to infiltrate the criminal underworld and bring his wife's killer to justice. ![]() By the time Y2K rolled around, the movies he churned out had become dull and repetitious, and with his career long past its prime, it was almost poetic that he ended his theatrical run with the aptly named ‘Half Past Dead.’ ![]() But then Steven got older, slower, and a little pudgier, and the fans lost interest. Sure, his films are cheesy and he was always typecast as the hero who was ‘Above the Law,’ ‘Out for Justice,’ and ‘Hard to Kill,’ but there was still something oddly intriguing about a guy in a ponytail casually patty-caking his enemies into submission. I hate to admit it, but during the late 1980s through the mid-1990s, Steven Seagal action flicks were one of my guilty pleasures. ![]()
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